It's been 4 years now since I got married for the second time on the 12th of January, 2013. Gosh! 4 years ago too that I posted of my marriage and since then, a lot of things have happened. The good and the bad, happy and the sad, adjustment periods and lots of sacrifices...as normal marriages go of course.
Yeah, what is an adjustment period some may ask. It's a period whereby a couple goes through and encounters in the course of being in a marriage. The adjustment period may take between one to two years or maybe even more for some and it all depends on the individual's characters and upbringing as well I suppose. There should be give and take, lots of trust, honesty, patience, respect for each other and a degree of openness between the couple but of course privacy is also of importance.
Speaking from my experience only, (since it's my post in my blog) I can only relate what I went through the last 4 years. Being brought up in a family that takes pride in so many things, there were quite an amount of adjustments to be made when I married into my husband's family. There were many things that I had to close one eye to, so to speak. There were stuff that threw 'protocol' aside where anything can happen and be accepted. Things seemed simplified and there were lots of 'tak kisah' attitudes too..hahaha.
Anyway, I slowly learned to adjust to my new family though still retaining most of what my own family has passed down to me from generation to generation.
Relationship woes (or the lack of it.)
Without giving out too much information and as it should be a secret between a husband and wife, my relationship with my husband has been a very good one, barring of course some periods of time where we will have our disagreements. It's only natural that we should some time not see eye to eye about certain matters but it gets resolved fast. My husband is the type of person that does not take things too much at heart. He prefers to let me 'blow my top' and he remains quiet. Well, that is good cause we don't want two hard headed people going against each other do we? It's better to have one party that gives in most times. Makes for a quite a healthy relationship too in our case...hehe
Anyway, what I can safely say is that my husband and I have a lot in common which made it easy for us going into this marriage. As I stated in my earlier post, my husband is 11 years younger than I am but that has not stopped us from enjoying our married life. My husband's character too has made it easy for me to 'be myself'. I can just do and say things (good ones of course) without having to think twice on how my husband will react. Basically, I am a happy-go-lucky type of person, always cheerful and ever smiling.
I feel blessed too to have a husband who is on very good terms with my 6 children. He acts more like an older brother to them than a step-father actually (my oldest is 29 this year). He calls my boys 'bro'! Hahahaha...now that is funny isn't it? He too makes sure I get to spend time with them whenever possible. Whenever we all meet, I can see my husband sort of stepping back a bit to give me and my kids room to interact and be ourselves. He does not want to seem intrusive too and I respect and love him for that.
To be frank, my husband and I come from different social status and socioeconomic backgrounds. We move in different circles and as such we have different sets of friends too. I could actually move around easily in his circle but getting used to and adapting to his family took quite a while for me to do. In all, I managed to overcome a lot of my fears especially on how we could make our marriage work. Being married does not mean we marry that one person only but we marry into the family as well.
There were other things that I had to adapt to as well like the way my husband does stuff, the way he dresses at times...hahaha..yup, he needed tips on how and when to dress appropriately...for the right occasions of course... Lucky for me he speaks English very well too so that is a real bonus...
Patience, lots and lots of it, had to be applied by both of us when dealing with everyday matters too but we somehow managed with lots of give and take. There were things too that should not be taken too seriously but with a pinch of salt.
Hopes and wishes.
Actually, there are lots more that I can say about my marriage second time around but I think, all that I have stated above will suffice. It has been a good, exciting, interesting, awesome, happy, wonderful, fabulous 4 years so far. For this, I would love to thank my loving husband for making the last 4 years very meaningful to me. He has been very understanding, patient, loving and helpful too.
Here's hoping for more and more happy years for us. May Allah bless our marriage, filling it with lots of love, fun and laughter.