The Aftermath...

When my marriage disintergrated and I went through a divorce, there were so many things that I had to think about. Top most on my mind was my children. There are 6 of them, ranging in ages 20 to 10 at that time. I was somewhat relieved that my children were to live with their father because I think and know they will be very well taken care of. The children were okay with this and I got to see them anytime I wanted and I could still go up to the house to visit them.( Most of the time, I made sure my ex was not around when I went to see them and if he was, I didn't go into the house but just waited in the car ;this is when I take my kids for an outing.

I stayed with a sister of mine before everything was finally over. I didn't feel anything much then because I was surrounded by my sisters' family and household. Thank God for the presence of my 2 nieces and a nephew to cheer me up when I was down. I missed my kids so much then and I would cry whenever I thought of them, especially my youngest daughter who was not yet 10.

After the 'eddah' period was over, I came to live here in KL in a condominium. It was good and fine and still is. But then, I was alone and that's when everything started to sink in. Reality set in. I had no one to talk to, I had no one to cook for, I had no one to do things for. It was such a weird feeling and it was the feeling of emptiness. I cried everyday but I consoled myself and prayed for Allah to give me guidance and strength to carry on with my life. Though I had somehow lost a chunk of my life, I still had some to hold on to.

I steeled myself to face my situation as best I could and to not despair or ever give up. I knew too that I was not alone and there were other women in the same situation who have survived marvellously and living independently now. Telling myself that was easy as the saying goes, it's easier said than done but it was no such thing. I refused to answer calls cause I knew I would not be able to speak without breaking down in tears. I tried to be strong then but I faltered too once in a while.

But slowly and day by day, I learned to be independent and to do things on my own. It's not that I couldn't do anything for myself but in my former life, as I call it now, there were people who did things for me and things got done real quick. It was the connection factor.

In a way, this has taught me a lot about life and that nothing comes easy. Some things had to be earned and some things had to be sacrificed. This is my new life now and I have accepted all that has happened to me as fate decreed by Allah the Almighty. He knows everything and He has His reasons for all that has befallen me. Behind every cloud , there's a silver lining, and I believe Allah has something else in store for me.

I guess this is all that I want to share on this topic. My thoughts are a bit jumbled at the moment. Recollecting what had happened made me teary eyed. I still feel sad though and when I'm alone, my mind wanders to my children and that's when tears flow like rivulets down my cheeks. The pain is still there but it 's slowly diminishing. InsyaAllah, through time, I will be my real self again. I have still not forgotten to laugh though, cause laughter somehow eases the pain and loneliness in me. Laughter is the best medicine, they say and in some instances, I tend to agree.

Till we meet in the next post, I leave you with 'a smile a day keeps the blues away'.